The darkness had not yet been disrupted by the dawn. Emma sat draped in her vibrant patch quilt blanket. The aroma of mint drifted up through the steam, rousing her senses awake as she clutched the warm mug of tea.
Emma’s body felt heavy. Her shoulders collapsed and her stomach felt a bit nauseous. She closed her eyes, searching for peace, but was met by thoughts of her sharp response to her partner’s comment the night before last. His shocked expression haunted her: Why did I act like such a bitch? She thought. He didn’t mean to be rude. Why do you always jump all over him? He’s such a nice person. And you’re so mean. You don’t deserve him.
While her mind continued, tears started streaming down Emma’s cheeks. She took a breath and paused. She noticed that she had become lost in her thoughts. From years of practice, she knew what she needed.
Emma sat up, opened her shoulders, and noticed the heaviness in her chest. She took another breath. She repeated the mantra, “I have everything I need right here within me.”
As she became more and more present, she could feel her muscles softening. She connected to the light within her and felt a melting and lifting feeling in her chest and core. With tremendous, tender courage, she quietly whispered, “I forgive you. I forgive every thought, feeling, action, or belief you’ve ever had. Or that you will have. I don’t know if they will forgive you, but I forgive you.”
Tears poured down Emma’s cheeks. She was trying so hard and in that moment she felt seen and understood, by herself.
When becoming present with lovingkindness (a sense of tenderness and compassion towards yourself or others) isn’t accessible, we feel overwhelmed by our emotions.
When we feel incapable of meeting our own needs, we seek what we long for in another. We assume that we are unable to meet those needs in ourselves. As we learn lovingkindness, we are able to meet ourselves with love, compassion, and tenderness. We are able to start giving ourselves what we have been longing for all this time.
For a guided audio meditation on learning lovingkindness, contact me and I’ll send it over ASAP 🙂