Today, I stand with you, and in support of you. And while I know today might feel heavy and uncertain for many, my hope is that we can soften our feelings of fear and reestablish our strength, together.
I am sharing my own internal systems, processing, through the IFS lens. My intention is to help illuminate the darkness, as we continue to move forward on our path, united in pioneering courageous love.
When the Future Feels Scary: A Path to Inner Calm
The weighty thud of Doom’s knock, sounds behind the heavy metal door. Soldered together for the maximum strength. I feel him in my chest, a pressure making it hard for my diaphragm to fully take a breath.
I welcome Doom and ask quizzically, what are you protecting me from?
He lumbers over and opens the door. He shows me all the times that I have felt the floor drop out from under me. I peer into his eyes, a frightened concern is detectable among the otherwise unemotional stern face. It is a result of a tender underlying loving desire to protect, that otherwise would be overshadowed by the outwardly presenting characteristics.
I gently place my hand to his cheek and thank him for his loving intentions.
I can feel the somatic recollection of all those times when my stomach seemed to turn inside out and panic broke out as a cool sweat, alerting me to a danger, now being understood as imminent, not just a possibility but a fruition. I recognize how painful all those moments have been. And I see his big lofty arm raise to point a finger to the future in warning.
He shows me all the different ways we might feel that painful feeling again. Something unexpected could happen that we do not have enough money to cover. A beloved relationship may come to an end through an unpredictable tragedy. A war may break out. We may say or do something that creates a cascading avalanche of misunderstanding, leading to being buried by the shameful loneliness of abandonment.
I witness all of these fears and slip my hand into his. He looks at me with wonder and confusion. He does not understand this soft gesture in the midst of his fear.
I smile. He sees that I am with him yet not afraid. I see a question forming from within. A light cracking through the darkness. He notices the light with skeptical awe. What is it and how is it here amidst the pain and darkness? A novel perspective arises that there can be both light and dark.
He looks back at me. I validate his hard work and thank him for all the times he has tried to save us from that feeling. I ask if he would like to not have to play that role anymore? I can see he’s tracking with his eyes.
I share that things will happen in our future, that will feel hard; And acknowledge that as an unavoidable part of life. I do not flinch or move away at this idea. I stand strong in the conviction that we will handle what arises, together. I share with him that it is not his job to watch out and protect us alone. I show him the safe home we are in, with our dogs soundly sleeping in their beds, and share how currently we are warm, content, and safe.
I continue on to show him the rest of our internal system. And, how we will figure out whatever is ahead, together.
I can see the relief soften his shoulders and I can feel a loosening throughout my chest and abdomen. He has transformed from his monster like appearance into a normal size. He now looks similar to all of my other parts. I ask if he would like to let go of anything that he’s been carrying?
I see his eyes recognize the invitation and he begins to strip the black mesh darkness off of him. He balls it up and tosses it to the floor. I ask him if he’d like to give it to the elements. At first he’s confused and then decides to give it to the earth so it can compost, but quickly changes his mind and it begins to disintegrate in flames.
I ask if he’d like to take something in and seemingly simultaneously notice a long, large flashlight in his hand. I understand, ah yes, the light is more helpful in the catastrophe than already trying to live in the darkness.
He is not totally settled yet. He feels a need to test this out before completely relieving his watchfulness, yet he’s more settled and calm regarding the future possibilities, and even glad to joyful to have a group to tackle the inevitable future challenges, to be faced.
