As we grow into the person we want to become, we can find ourselves in relationships that have turned into that shirt that use to be the go to favorite but now feels like it tugs in all the wrong places. There is no shame in realizing that a relationship no longer fits us. I recently found myself sitting at a dinner table with someone, baffled at how I had ever vibed with this person.I was turning my conundrum around in my head, like rusty penny, trying to figure out if they had always been this rude and demanding of others, or was it me that had changed? At some point, had I felt it appropriate to belittle others to get my way? I finally settled somewhere in between. The other person had developed some really outrageous expectations and I had changed my tolerance of unfavorable situations. In other words, I try not to focus on what isn’t going perfectly and choose to see the part of the situation that i’m feeling good about. In this case, the food not coming out at the same time made the other person feel “really really terrible,” which they boisterously expressed to the visibly uncomfortable waitress and I took it as a temporary situation that would soon become irrelevant. Here are a few clues that a relationship may need some reassessing…

  1. When you’re together, your mind is constantly wandering to the past, trying to figure out why it once felt good but doesn’t anymore.
  2. You have a hard time feeling good when you’re with them. It just feels like there’s some bad juju in the air, that you can’t quite identify as them or you.
  3. They say things that make you feel bad or uncomfortable and when you bring it up, they belittle you for it. They may even reference the past and say something about how “YOU’VE changed” and they don’t mean in a good way because it they think of it as you growing away from them.

We often times feel that it’s a bad thing, to let go of a friendship but think of it this way, when it’s a strong bond, you will grow back together or perhaps redefine what kind of friendship now, feels good to you both. Many of my friendships span 15+ years and throughout all of them, we have grown back together multiple times. Choosing to grow closer with friends that are vibing with you today, does not mean that you are throwing away the friendship of yesterday, It just means you care enough about both of you, to allow each other the growing room you need to thrive.